08/17/2026
A post in honour of The Late Great Fridgerald (2005–2026), who served his country faithfully for 21 years.
Although it is believed that he died in the line of duty, authorities have not ruled out foul play.
Stephen Irvine-Andrews is known to local police, as several appliances have perished under his care over the past year.
Anonymous reports of his suspicious glee when purchasing new appliances (and his tendency to transform their packaging into giant box forts) have prompted further investigation, making Stephen a person of interest.
If you have any information that may assist in solving this case, please contact your local appliance authorities.
Fridgerald is survived by one Pepsi cooler, several chest freezers and one deeply grieving dishwasher. He was predeceased by many appliances who came before him, including the recently departed and much-beloved Coke cooler.
He will be remembered for his years of faithful service and his unwavering commitment to keeping things cold.
Rest in peace, Fridgerald.
