Living Out Loud Life Coach

01/19/2024

The Orphans of Later Years

Nobody ever tells you about what it’s like to be an orphan. Most people think orphans are little children whose parents either abandoned them or passed away tragically. But that is just one type of orphan.

The other type of orphan is that of grown adult children. Yes our parents have taught us independence and self sufficiency and they are no longer needed for our survival. However, there is a mental and emotional shift that occurs after both parents move on to the next place after death.

I suspect the reason why nobody talks about it is because often the feelings are indescribable and confusing at times.

Trying to use my intellect over my emotions most times allows me to understand and digest then accept. This has worked for me 9 out of 10 times in the past.

This is way different. Parental loss is life altering. Perhaps my story is a little different having lost two parents 7 weeks apart, but I am sure there are many other stories much worse. In my mind I never imagined having to grieve both parents at the same time. Probably explains the bi-polar days and nights that inject themselves without warning washing over me all at once, creating waves of fear, feelings of being left behind, and a completely unbalanced view of reality. This “new reality” stinks.

Most days when I am busy and focused on other things, I am fine to the naked eye. Other days I feel as though I’m walking around like sliced Swiss cheese, intact but full of holes.

In our society we pay close attention to anniversaries, in celebration or in mourning. After a loved one passes away as we get close to 1 year we recount the events that led up to that day, trying to make sense out of death as though there is any sense to be made.

When I look back on the photographs of their lives, of my life with them, with my only sibling who is gone now 16 years, I can’t help but think their lives went so fast. Mom lived to 86 and Dad 88. My brain says they were blessed to live that long, but my heart feels like it wasn’t long enough. I yearn to have one more day with my mother, father and sister, to have one more family gathering.

That’s the sad part. The hard part is living on with this new reality that until you experience it you can’t truly comprehend it or prepare for it. I guess it’s all part of the human experience and learning about life. For some these lessons come at a much younger age than I am, so for that I am grateful. But it doesn’t make it easier to accept.

Sometimes it feels like survivors guilt. Why am I the last survivor of my family? What is it that God wants me to do now? How can I implore the younger people in the family to make time for their parents and not waste opportunities to stay close and part of their lives even when their own lives get busy?

The time we have on earth is precious. Parents can’t be replaced or duplicated. You get one mother and one father. They come with faults just like we do. However, their love for us will never be matched by anyone else in this world other than God and Jesus. Don’t squander the years they have. Be ever present. Call them often and FaceTime when possible. Your parent loves to see the face they created.

I can take solace in the fact that I had many conversations by phone that lasted 2 hrs or more with my Dad and then Mom. I even got them a grandpad ( easier version than iPad) so we could share photos and see each other live. We even celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary while on Covid lockdown on the FaceTime feature. I never missed an opportunity to celebrate their lives just as much as they celebrated my life.

If distance is an issue make a plan to visit them for their birthday, Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, and at least one of the holidays. If you are vacationing in their state, build in a few extra days to stop in and see them. The point is to keep making memories to cherish. Once they are gone the only peace you will have is in knowing you did right by them and that you gave back what you received from them all your life…. Or close to it. It takes so little to make a parent feel appreciated and loved. The absence of contact makes them feel insignificant.

Just remember the time spent living with our parents and our children is finite. The love and connection is infinite. Cherish your family while you still can. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

07/29/2023

It’s been awhile since I blogged here. I started writing here in 2018. My purpose in sharing my thoughts, experiences and wisdom was to help others who may be experiencing some of the same or similar things but also to share my journey through transformation and ultimately how these changes have yielded results that are everlasting.

Most of us get there eventually as aging does have its benefits when it comes to clearer vision ( minds eye not actual eyesight). But the sooner you arrive the more fulfilling your life will be.

I have certainly gained perspective and can now see things and people for exactly who and what they are. Most importantly I am more aware now than ever that I have an absolute right to choose whether or not the situation suits my greater good or is wasting my precious time and energy.

Having suffered the loss of my primary family ( mother, father and only sibling), I realize that time is not guaranteed, is a commodity and once spent you cannot earn it back.

That being said a day well lived is one that served the greater good for your purpose or offered you rest and relaxation for the next day of serving your purpose.

On the way to my dream I did find a even better one. I did not imagine it, visualize it, or pray for it. I just followed the little small voice that kept speaking to me telling me to place ads locally to help our neighbors with transportation to the airport from an Uber and Lyft dead zone. Little did we know we tapped into a need.

Here we are two years later with a 7 days a week business. We get to know our neighbors, help our seniors get to dr appointments, help people get to work when they can’t drive, and now have a party bus to offer everyone for concerts and other events chartered or put on by us.

Lucky for me my mindset training has helped me continue going forward after this past year of loss. It certainly has been challenging yet the rewards are many. I get to work closely with my husband, my best friend… and this has made us strong together.

There are still dreams to design too! Never stop dreaming! While we spend our time we keep faith that Gods purpose for us is even greater than what we can imagine. Just pay attention and believe.

11/03/2022

From fear to faith

How do you change fear into faith?
Fear is a real emotion. It’s felt deep in your gut. At times fear can paralyze you and keep you from moving forward.

Fear , if left untreated, manifests within your health and well being.
Anxiety is a manifestation of fear.

The only way out of the endless cycle of fear and anxiety is to identify each and every fear you have.

Better understanding of yourself and the whys of your fears begins the process of working your way out of your state of fear.

To do this you must be in a good place and be honest with yourself.
Start with why am I afraid to …..

Number one fear is the fear of change!
So how do you not fear change?
Be proactive and initiate the changes you know you need to make!
Once you do you will be on the road to faith.

As we age, it gets harder to change. This is because we begin aging in place. We stick to the familiar because we are declining with the aging process. We may need assistance from others.

We start out life as a baby totally dependent. Then our parents raise us to be independent. We spend most of our lives independent.

There is grief in losing some or all of your independence. There is an overwhelming sense of loss of control.

Choosing to accept assistance is self preservation and a gift to those who offer you help.

There is a lot of dignity in putting faith in others. Surrendering to your reality and having grace from God that He is with you every moment for all your days is a way to pave the way for your loved ones.

Bravery equals strength. People who are brave all have fear, but they don’t let fear define their existence. They face their fear and have faith that God does His work through the hands of others.

Faith is the most essential part of your soul. Without faith we will be shipwrecked. Eventually the ship sinks.

Life can be hard. Your world inside the world is the only place inside you that only you can see and feel. Your faith is bigger than you.

Look around you. Your angels are by your side. Listen to them. They love you purely.

10/04/2022

After 5 months of hard work and consistency … 25 lbs goodbye!

08/30/2022

The day after failure is the beginning of the road to success!

07/30/2022

Change and evolve!

06/14/2022

Last night in Negril

04/21/2022

The struggle is real!

Right now the worlds population is battling to survive and thrive.
The world since CoVid19 has once again brought about fast change, affecting every human life.

The economies are spiraling downward, the price of everything has gone up while salaries aren’t, and most affected has been the human mind and spirit.

People have been dealing with loss, grief, sadness, hopelessness and depression. Anxiety is everywhere, drug use and su***de, and if that’s not enough we have war atrocities and Narcissistic Dictators holding power as their God.

Our little children are even suicidal, teens both suicidal and homicidal. Mass shootings, natural disasters, and the nightly news showing all of it.

The last two years have taken the biggest toll on the aging population. Most with tolerable health conditions have declined even further at double the rate. They are your parents, grandparents and aunt and uncles.

So how do we all get our heads above the water so we could breathe again and rejuvenate our spirits and find peace and joy again?

First, you must want and need peace and joy.
The only way out from under a rock is to push it off you with everything you got. Otherwise you will try to dig down under it and ultimately suffocate yourself.

Your mind is the strongest part of your body. You must harness controlling your thoughts.

“Idle time is the devils workshop “. I love this phrase because it is most definitely the truth. Unless your idle time is spent feeding your soul, those sad thoughts will become your feelings. Then , your feelings will influence your choices.
You get caught up in the rinse and repeat cycle that seemingly never ends.

Does this sound familiar? We all have been there at some point in our personal development.

This is a critical time for every one of us. There’s no need to suffer when there are many others that want to help lift you up.

There is no shame in asking for or accepting help when offered. In fact, empowering others to help you brings you closer to them. It’s an act of self love and giving to the people who care about your well being. The gift is your trust and humility.

Anyone who has tried to help someone and gets refused are left with frustration, sadness and sometimes anger.

Nobody likes to see a loved one suffer.

When faced with struggles always remember the good, embrace the time in between struggles and know that this too shall pass. We are all much stronger than we think. Invite in the angels that surround us everyday and whatever you can’t carry, give it to God and surrender to his Almighty will.

Peace be yours today and always.
♥️

03/04/2022

01/30/2022

Got to speak about how I manifested my dreams and still building more dreams!

11/21/2021

Date night

10/03/2021

Through our travels we’ve met couples who share their love stories. We feel very blessed to have a great story but no two are alike. But there is one common thread. Everyone feels divinity in their story.

Do you have a love story to share?