06/02/2022
Today marks FOUR years of marriage, and in December we will celebrate 10 years of being together. At this time 10 years ago, I remember buying a journal where I would write to Caroline with the expectation that she would never read it. There, I wrote about my feelings for her and my desire to have the chance at falling in love with her. As I thought about what to gift Caroline with on our wedding day, I knew the journal had to be be included. I always enjoy reflecting on what we have learned in our marriage, and this year it is this:
It's easy to name that marriage is hard, frustrating, and challenging. It's also easy to blame it on our own kinds of "brokenness," and to credit "grace" as the redemption. I don't feel that way this year. Our world today likes to polarize diversity with terms like "brokenness," and I hate it - sexuality, race, human rights, you name it - we love to feel that we can identify something that needs repair, and we love to have the perfect fix. Caroline Wheeler, you are not broken in any way. You are not void of any goodness, and you are in no need of "fixing," and thank God for that, because we could never fix each other. What you have shown me in these 4 years is that we - all people - are created with uniqueness and diversity, and you celebrate those things. I could name 100 things about myself that I once labeled as broken, but you have taught me that those parts of me are what make me special, and are nothing more than the multitude of ways that humanity should be seen as beautiful and creative. You have debunked the lie that to live a full and divine life, we must always seek to self-sacrifice, but instead you have offered that perhaps the most glorifying way to live is to be fully-embodied and authentic. The world needs this, and the world needs you. How privileged I feel to have you. More and more, I like to be with myself the most when I am with you.