25/09/2026
The Drop Bear Chronicles
Episode 8: The Hunter Valley W**e Disaster
After escaping Diggers Beach with the tourists’ snacks and several bunches of bananas, Doug pointed the borrowed red beach buggy south.
He had no particular destination in mind until he overheard two travellers discussing the w**eries of the Hunter Valley.
Doug’s ears immediately pricked up.
“Vineyards, free tastings and cheese platters,” he muttered. “Sounds like my sort of place.”
Several hours later, the battered buggy rattled into the Hunter Valley. Doug drove slowly past the rows of vines, inspecting the grapes with the confidence of someone who knew absolutely nothing about w**emaking.
He picked one, chewed thoughtfully and spat it into the bushes.
“Not ready,” he announced. “Needs more w**e in it.”
Eventually, Doug discovered an old rustic timber cabin overlooking a vineyard. A small group of tourists had been staying there, but after seeing a masked drop bear emerge from the trees carrying an armful of liberated grapes, they packed their belongings and fled.
Doug moved in immediately.
As far as he was concerned, the cabin was abandoned.
Technically.
Doug decided that the Hunter Valley needed another premium w**e label. After several minutes of careful consideration, he settled on the name:
**Drop Bear Vino**
The slogan would be:
**“One glass and you’ll fall out of a tree.”**
To establish his new w**ery, Doug unfolded his sturdy **Outdoor Connection Fortis Table** on the cabin verandah. Its spacious slatted top provided plenty of room for grapes, bottles, tasting glasses and Doug’s highly questionable w**emaking notes.
His first tasting sheet read:
1. Is it red?
2. Does it smell like w**e?
3. Is there any left?
4. Open another bottle.
Doug insisted that proper product development required extensive testing.
One bottle became two.
Two became four.
By midnight, Doug had sampled nearly everything the previous tourists had left behind. He also attempted to make his own vintage by squeezing grapes into an empty bottle and shaking it vigorously.
“Small-batch w**emaking,” he explained to nobody in particular.
The following morning, Doug was discovered slumped deep inside his **GCI Outdoor Puff Rocker Camping Chair**, wearing his battered bush hat, crooked sunglasses and an ice pack on his head.
The Puff Rocker’s generously padded seat cradled his aching body while its smooth rocking action gently moved him back and forth.
Unfortunately, every time the chair rocked forward, Doug groaned.
Every time it rocked backwards, he groaned again.
The Fortis Table beside him was covered with empty bottles, corks, grapes and the remains of his tasting experiment. In the middle stood the first official bottle of Drop Bear Vino.
Doug opened one bloodshot eye and inspected it.
“I reckon the grapes still aren’t ready,” he whispered.
A group of tourists cautiously approached the cabin, hoping to collect the belongings they had abandoned the previous afternoon.
Doug slowly lifted his head.
The tourists screamed and ran back down the vineyard track.
Doug watched them disappear, then lowered the ice pack over his eyes.
“Bloody tourists,” he muttered. “No appreciation for boutique w**emaking.”
He reached towards the Fortis Table, searching for a glass of water.
Instead, his paw found another bottle.
Doug stared at it for several seconds before pushing it away.
“Product testing is suspended,” he declared. “Pending further medical advice.”
The **Outdoor Connection Fortis Table** had survived the entire w**e-testing operation without complaint, while the comfortable **GCI Outdoor Puff Rocker** supported Doug through what may have been the worst hangover in Australian w**emaking history.
**Doug’s product verdict:**
“A strong table and a comfortable rocker are essential when launching your own w**ery—especially when the w**emaker has no idea what he’s doing.”
The future of **Drop Bear Vino** remains uncertain.
However, Doug has already begun planning a cheese platter.
https://outdoorcampingdisorder.com/product/new-outdoor-connection-fortis-slat-table-compact-camping-table/
https://outdoorcampingdisorder.com/product/new-gci-outdoor-puff-rocker-camping-chair/
