18/05/2026
Our business is now targeting: NET ZERO PROFITS
We are proud to announce our newest business partner: ELBO
A man so uniquely qualified at destroying businesses, we simply had to bring him onboard.
Nicknamed “Elbo” because he spends most of his time elbow deep in the ALL GENDER toilets, making sure the pub remains compliant and inclusive!
He also brings along world renowned accounting skills.
Under Elbo’s financial leadership, we are proud to announce our business is now targeting:
NET ZERO PROFITS
That’s right every schooner you buy helps redistribute our earnings directly into:
• funding ISIS brides
• $65 mill a day interest payments on the 1 trillion dollar debt
• $20 mill on advertising asking to inflate your tires and remove roof racks
• $300 mill on the unlawful arrest of BRS
He will also ensure we do our bit for CLIMATE CHANGE.
With his promise to slash electricity bills going so well, the pub will now sit at a comfortable 47 degrees in summer and minus 3 in winter… and all beers will proudly be served at room temperature.
Unfortunately we can no longer use the gas cookers either (because the gas is being saved to send overseas for free) so the kitchen will now be serving Vegemite sandwiches only.
We truly believe Elbo’s experience running the country directly into a brick wall makes him the perfect man to steer our small family pub toward total financial collapse.
So come down and support our local business while we still have the lights on!
We look forward to seeing all of you at Centrelink very soon.
God bless Elbo & God bless Australia 🇦🇺
(AI generated obviously… because we wouldn’t let him trhough our doors)
![FRIDAY[ frahy-dey ] noun - English - best day of the week after Saturday & Sunday - second favourite f-word - happy hour...](https://img5.glotels.com/419/366/1545987924193662.jpg)
