22/12/2022
Where did it all start?
In 2017, I gave myself a gift to celebrate my 50th birthday – a chance to walk the Camino de Santiago. Why? Till this day I don't know. I had gone through 4 surgeries, 2 serious hormonal therapies, loss of home and business, and pain about how the people around me reacted and how they turned their backs on me. It was their choice, but it hurt me very, very much. There was also the betrayal of people close to me, that's how I felt it.
I got back on my feet, but something within me was broken. I did work that I enjoyed and helped the people around me, but something was so frozen in me that I didn't feel anything anymore. No, it wasn't sadness, loneliness, or crying, it was just some deep, deep emptiness.
And then I realized that something had to be done, and with my eyes up to the sky, I asked the universe, "What can I do for myself?"
And the answer came to me in Jerusalem: walk the Camino de Santiago.
And so on August 30th, 2017, I travelled to St Jean Pied de Port. I had no idea who the Camino de Santiago was and what was being done there. The first thought was that I could go for it in a long skirt, which was my everyday garment, and in the shoes with a heel – it’s just a walk down the road.
The very first day came with a big test, and fortunately I had travel shoes and long pants with me, and I realized that I had neither the slightest experience nor the resources to climb a mountain with a backpack. My health started to decline, I sweated, I could not walk with a backpack, every step came with great difficulty and even pain.
From the very first lunch it was clear that I had abraded my feet, had blisters and I would lose a toenail. That day I did everything: I got lost in the mountains, I started having health problems and dehydration, my arms and legs were so swollen that I was in pain. It got so bad that I couldn't even keep my feet in my shoes, and it was clear that if I took off my shoes, I wouldn't put them back on. And at the very end, shortly before Roncesvalles, I managed to fall.
I landed on my back, hitting a rock. The impact to the head and back was reduced by my backpack. My clothes were dirty, my knees were banged, but something inside me was starting to smile.
While walking the Camino de Santiago, I didn’t tell myself, “You have to walk it all.”
I told myself, “You will walk as much as you can. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You only walk for your own pleasure.”
When I woke up in the morning on the second day, it was clear to me that something had changed in me. What it was - I do not know. My legs hurt, but when I took the painkillers, I was ready to get back on Camino to a miracle for both my colleague and the hospitalero, who tried to dissuade me and told me to go to the hospital.
As I passed through the first village, I looked to my right and at the top of the hill, I saw a "SOS" made of white stones. I laughed out loud, and at that moment I felt that my life would be connected to Spain in the future. That I want my albergue, I want my place, a house with a garden where I will meet travelers, maybe ones just like I am, who have something frozen deep, deep in their hearts that they can't move.
And so began my journey to albergue.
You can read more about my Camino experiences here - https://theway.lv/spain/
