26/08/2026
PIGGY DARTS – Dolly edition.
The school holidays are nearly over woohoo. Normality is almost within reach.
Our Tracey’s sister, Me Julie, has decided the pub needs a rebrand. Apparently, The Globe Inn should now be called The Doggin’. I don’t know what she thinks happens at Piggy Darts, but I’ll be keeping my car keys firmly in my pocket tonight… just in case I suddenly need to make a swift exit. Our Trace has finally had enough of Dolly Parton. She’s been blasting Dolly from 9 till 5 and Trace has now banned her from the jukebox. Rest in peace Dolly. Although… what is happening with your man now? Asking for my mate Jolene. Meanwhile, The Ginger Ninja is throwing darts absolutely everywhere. Apparently, he thinks this is a competition to see who can throw the dart highest. Newsflash, Ninja… they’re supposed to go IN THE BOARD. I don’t know what’s got into everyone tonight. Rob2 is offering to go on top of Marie, Rob1 wants to pinch my bum, and Tartan Tom is rubbing off Me Julie. Thank God my mum stayed at home… although my dad Big Ron is here and is looking suspiciously happy about the whole situation. Twinkle Toes Deb and her magnificent swinging leg are also playing tonight. Honestly, that leg deserves its own postcode. I’m convinced it should be declared one of the Seven Wonders of the World. Mahogany Mark has turned up in his dazzling white socks and trainers combo. Clearly forgot the golden rule: LOOK IN THE MIRROR BEFORE LEAVING THE HOUSE. And Digger has apparently pi**ed himself with excitement. Either that or he’s just had a very emotional evening. We’re now down to the final two. THE GINGER NINJA vs TARTAN TOM. And the winner of Game One… TARTAN TOM! Tom was so delighted with himself that he immediately started rehearsing for a starring role in The Full Monty. Someone please pass me the mind bleach. There are some things a person simply cannot unsee.
Well, Game Two has started and, quite frankly, things have gone downhill quicker than Gary Glitters zip. Rob2 has decided that playing darts with the humans is far too mainstream, so he’s now having a game with the dog. I’m not entirely sure of the rules, but I’m pretty sure the dog has a better chance of hitting the board than some of the punters in here! And talking of rules… DIGGER IS CHEATING ALREADY! Honestly, we’ve barely started and he’s already bending the rules like they’re made of warm cheese. Digger is now dirty dancing with Mahogany Mark. Meanwhile, would you Adam and Eve it, Chelsea Pensioner Sandra is absolutely ON FIRE tonight. She’s taking NO PRISONERS. Everyone else is in Barney Rubble, SHE’S HIT THE BOARD WITH EVERY DART! Well that was until Big Ron came along and knocked her out. Down to the final 2 and it’s Big Ron against Rob2. Winner of game 2 Rob2. Put your t-shirt back on it’s not fu***ng top trumps belly edition!
On to Game 3… well, we would be, if they could actually find all the numbers! How difficult is it to count to 20? Go… nope. OK, go again. And again. At this rate we’ll be here until Christmas. Arty Abbie had the number all along. Well, that’s one way of keeping people in the boozer, I suppose. Are you on commission, Abbie? STOP THE PRESS! Me Julie has just announced to the entire pub that she’s s**t her pants! Chelsea Pensioner Sandra immediately went into full Florence Nightingale mode. Someone pass the baby wipes. Merry Marie is laughing so hard she’s in danger of joining Me Julie in the accident department. They’ve now moved on to reminiscing about Cliff Richard posters — apparently the conversation has gone so far off the rails even Google wouldn’t know where to start. Someone mentioned Living Doll and Big Ron decided that was quite enough information for one evening… BYE RON. Jolly Jan is cheering on Digger, she’s the better player know but too late Rob2 knocked him out. Jimbo1 , Jimbo2 are cheering on Merry Marie as we are down to the final 2. Rob2 v Marie and pretty much as it started Rob2 has rubbed Merry Marie off and it’s all over. Winner of game 3 Rob2.
