01/26/2026
A new Substack tonight. Here it is for those not comfortable going to the link provided in another message.
Lack of Balance
(Warning: More than likely going to be a lengthy rambling diatribe.)
The last substack I wrote was about finding balance in our lives as we journey a most difficult time in our country and state. I have to be honest - I suck at following my own advice in this way. I spend way too much time doom scrolling on social media, watching meaningless tv, not eating well and not exercising or getting outside as much as I should. Of course, having temps in the minus one hundreds or whatever they have been certainly hasn’t helped. You would think after all these years I would learn what I need to do put myself in a better frame of mind but this last tragic event (I’m being kind right now calling it that. I’ll get more real later.) pretty much took me down from a mental health perspective.
My heart hurts, I’m angry, I feel helpless and a bit hopeless if I get down to the raw emotions I’m feeling. This just can’t be the country I live in and sure as hell not the state I have lived in for all these years. I’m not sure what bothers me more, the actions of our government leaders and their minions or the number of people who are not appalled at what is going on. I try to do everything I can to understand every side of an issue. Listening to dissenting opinions and reading articles that frame situations from all different perspectives. Baffling is an understatement for all this even after trying to be level-headed and reasonable about it all. These stories are hitting close to home as friends and others I’m connected to have felt the wrath of it all directly. It is the first time in my almost 65 years I have wondered about moving out of the country because I don’t feel like I belong as opposed to just wanting to live other places out of curiosity and the lack of winter.
Last night someone posted about having a vigil in a neighboring town where I work and have worked. The comments I read before the post and comments were deleted set me down a spiral that I honestly don’t remember going down in a long, long time. It was maddening, depressing and left me feeling as if I am not welcomed in this place I’ve lived and served for so long. I get not all agree with me and have their own opinions and feelings on these issues. That is all well and good. Let’s have civil discourse about those differences and also discover how much we agree on along the way. However, this thread was vile hatred and showed a complete lack of compassion and empathy from many folks singing the I am Christian tune along the way. There was no Christ in all of that discussion.
This version of Christianity being spewed by the current administration and those who support them looks nothing like the Christ I follow and believe in. Yes, it’s true, I am a person of faith and it is an important guiding light to the decisions I make and the life I try to lead. I fail often, sin often and don’t live what I preach too often but I believe wholly in the grace and forgiveness we all proclaim in this faith. If this is how I feel attacked or detached from my community imagine how those from the BIPOC and LGBTQ+ communities must feel. I am a middle class, professional white male who feels alienated and now I try to understand what those who are marginalized must be experiencing to a degree far greater than me. Am I the only one who feels that their faith has been stolen in the midst of this madness? Or at least the perception of what this faith is about?
The murder of Alex Pretti hit me hard. Look, do I think we have a border problem? Yes, I do. Do I want illegal citizens who are dangerous and have committed egregious crimes off the streets and penalized whether that means jail or deportation? Yes, yes, I do. Do I believe that our constitution gives every single soul the right to due process and to being treated humanely? Yes, I do. Do I believe we have a severely flawed immigration system that needs significant reform? Yes, I do. Do I believe that what is happening now in the Twin Cities and around the state of Minnesota is right? No, I do not. This is no longer and maybe never was about immigration and getting the “worst of the worst” off the streets. This is a petty political fight that is impacting everyone but those who started it.
So after saying all that and hopefully showing all the built up feelings that is within my soul these days you can understand that my life is way out of balance. While church probably would have been good for me this morning, I just couldn’t people today. The quiet of home, the time to reflect without distraction, taking care of my own mental health was needed. Did it feel selfish? Yes, it did.
Now for the good thoughts. We got to spend the weekend with our two-month old grandson this weekend. I love that little guy more than you can know. Maybe a taste of unconditional love. As I was skipping church, Theo was napping on my chest. It was pure bliss. I had tears in my eyes and was thankful he wasn’t old enough to process the world he was living in right now. To see the love his parents have for this child of theirs was a beautiful light in the world. Sunday nights Esther and I like to go the pool at a nearby hotel. I’ll walk the pool for 45 minutes as it’s good for my knees and Esther will swim, hottub and sauna it. We called and found out they weren’t open to the public tonight because of some chemical treatments happening. Now my first thought was I would just stay home and wallow in my own pity and despair. (Okay, being a bit dramatic there.) Instead I asked Esther if she wanted to go to the gym with me. So off we went to use the treadmill and get a good workout in. I must admit that I was proud that I was able to get over the urge to use the pool closing excuse to be a bum again. While on the treadmill I had my Airpods in and cranked some tunes. It reminded me how healing music, exercise and removing yourself from the social media blitz can be. My other cathartic thing to do is write…so here you have it. A lengthy piece to put you to sleep if you need and selfishly my own way of sorting through all my emotions.
The last thing I will leave with you is that I find when I am most at peace and feeling fulfilled is when I am helping others. For anyone reading this that they themselves or someone they know may need a safe space to stay for a short time, we have that space for you. It is no Taj Mahal but it is safe, comfortable and you will be loved, fed and cared for along the way. All, and I do mean ALL, are welcome. Even if you are just one of the helpers who needs a break. Let us offer you that retreat and respite so that you can recharge to go make a difference again.
Love y’all and now go love all. Peace my friends!
Dave
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