02/13/2020
LBPD Guide to Fire and Ice Weekend 2020 edition
Ok people, here it is, the LBPD Guide to Fire and Ice Weekend. We caution those of you who are about to embark on this poetic symphony of words that this message is somewhat lengthy, but worth it, as it contains valuable information designed to keep your visit as efficient and sane as possible. If you’ve read our posts before than you’re already aware that our posts are often a loooong sarcastic fall with a sudden, abrupt, and truthful stop. We recommend keeping this post and its contents away from younger readers. Reader discretion is advised!!
Lets first talk about Friday afternoon, specifically 2:45pm……TWO FORTY-FIVE POST MERIDIEM. That is when the roads in the downtown area will be closed and they will not re-open until late Saturday night. There will be a plethora of ORANGE detour signs literally guiding your every turn around the outskirts of the downtown area so that you may avoid the traffic congestion. Follow the ORANGE detour signs and all will be right in your traffic endeavors. While traversing the outskirts of town along the detour route please also keep in mind that Speed limits are not suddenly non-existent. FRONT Street in particular is a 25 mph zone, therefore you drive 25 mph zone, simple enough. Specific roads that will be closed are as follows:
Broad Street closed from Orange Street through Front Street
Main Street closed from South Spruce Street through North Water Street
With road closures come BARRICADES, we thoroughly enjoy talking BARRICADES, because no matter how blatantly obvious it should be that BARRICADES indicate a roadway is temporarily closed it still doesn’t seem to faze certain wisenheimers who believe that they momentarily supersede the immense strategic planning and preparation that goes into an event like this so that they may circumvent the barricades for any multitude of reasons such as…….. “my gps told me to go this way” or “I live on the other side of the event” or “I’m meeting my friend for drinks” or “my brother’s neighbor I met at the BBQ over the summer who failed out of the Police Academy and went on to become a Firefighter said its okay.”
Unfortunately, the highly sought after and in demand LBPD Barricade Ninja Strike Team will NOT be working the event this weekend due to failed contract negotiations. We’re not involved with the negotiations as they fall under a different contract than us. What we’ve been hearing though is that negotiations are basically non-existent due to the stealth and anonymity of which they operate and nobody knows exactly who to negotiate with.
Parking, PARKING!!! Where the (beep) do I park? Follow this link http://lititzfireandice.com/parking/ to answer all of your parking related questions. We’ll get to where you can park in a minute, but first lets talk about where NOT TO PARK. Do not block someone’s driveway, its rude, and your car will get towed. Do not park in a private parking lot, also rude, and your car will get towed. Do not park illegally, it’s illegal, and your car will get towed. Do not park at meters with NO PARKING bags, it defeats the point of the NO PARKING bags covering the meter, and your car will get towed. Do not park in areas marked with NO PARKING signs, it defeats the purpose of the NO PARKING signs, and your car will be towed. If you’ve partaken in any of the aforementioned parking situations and you return to where your car was parked only to discover it is no longer where you parked it, No, you cannot report your car as “stolen” and act surprised and confused. Slowly, your moral compass will point North and it will start to sink in that you just made a $300 mistake in the form of a tow bill all because you didn’t just take the time to NOT partake in any of the aforementioned parking situations.
Here’s the quick run down on parking. Shuttles, which are probably the most convenient and effective mode of travel to and from are available at FIVE different locations(http://lititzfireandice.com/parking/) for $1 per person. That $1 is literally covering the cost of fuel to run the shuttles all day. Figure out which direction you’ll be coming into town from and find the shuttle location that corresponds with your direction, park accordingly at that shuttle location and proceed to board the shuttle, wait patiently in line for the shuttle, enjoy the 5 minute ride downtown, get dropped off right in the heart of the event with little to no hassle in regards to barricades, congestion, etc….
Additional parking is available for free at the Warwick High School and Warwick Middle School, its a short walk from either of those places to Downtown but those lots typically fill up fast. Handicap parking is available behind 26 North Cedar St. Event volunteers will be at the location to verify only those requiring Handicap parking enter that designated area and thereby thwart any attempts by the dishonest people in the world who are not in need of the Handicap spaces but still attempt or choose to utilize the Handicap spaces because they are lazy and rotten, yeah we said it!
Weather looks conducive for the ice sculptures to a have a long, healthy life span for the duration of the festival. Any would be vandals or those intent on depriving the Festival goers of the intricately carved sculptures through acts of vandalism or destruction will be met with harsh punishments and restitution. Water is not expensive, water that is frozen(also known as ice) is not expensive, water that is frozen in large blocks and intricately carved is VERY expensive. We have a dedicated group of volunteers who will be providing 24/7, round the clock Ice Sculpture security coverage due in large part to past attempts at the hands of ill-willed folks attempting to damage the sculptures. Stay out of the LBPD adult timeout room and save yourself several hundreds of dollars in restitution and leave the sculptures alone. As mom would always say……..they wont bother you if you don’t bother them!
If you’re a local and not fond of intricately carved ice sculptures, over 30 food trucks, live bands, magicians, light shows, pyrotechnic displays, Chili Cook-off(Saturday 11a-3p - $10 a ticket), Downtown shopping, general positive community camaraderie, etc… than by all means either vacate the area for a nice Valentines weekend getaway somewhere or simply hunker down in your residence with a few heart shaped pizzas, some beverages, and that special someone with whom you share your deepest thoughts and complaints with about how all of these events we have in Lititz throughout the year interfere with “your” on-street parking space.
Follow this link http://lititzfireandice.com/faqs/ to go directly to the source for any information related to this weekends Festival including times, prices, parking, literally anything you may have questions regarding anything. They even have a FAQ section which again will probably answer literally anything you may questions regarding anything.
If you’ve made it this far in reading this post congratulations, you’re almost done.....all you have to do now is gently raise your right hand straight up in the air over your head, slowly move your right hand across your chest toward your left shoulder, bend your right arm at the elbow and proceed to place your right hand on your back near your left shoulder, proceed to pat yourself a few times. If you’re left-handed simply reverse. At this point you’ve survived reading the LBPD Fire and Ice Guide 2020 edition, you’re now free to keep scrolling on your Facebook feed until the next food video or the lady yelling at cat meme grabs your attention, or you could actually get back to work like you’re supposed to be doing!
