10/09/2026
π HURRICANE BEHAVIOR THAT NEEDS TO BE STUDIED π
We love yβall. But now weβre better understanding why emergency management has to get so specific. π
π± THE UNLICENSED METEOROLOGIST
Watched three TikToks, downloaded a radar app, and now disagrees with the National Hurricane Center.
Friend, yesterday you needed help connecting to the Wi-Fi. Letβs stay in our lane.
πͺ THE SUPPLY MANAGER
Bought enough water, TP, and snacks for five days. Ate enough snacks for four days on the drive home.
Brian, the Little Debbies were supposed to outlast the receipt.
π THE CONTENT CREATOR
βIβm just going down there to get one quick video.β
For your 87 followers? Bob, please remain somewhere safe.
π THE TECHNOLOGY DEPARTMENT
Phone at 6%. Portable charger at 0%. Has been forwarding weather updates to 38 people since breakfast.
We appreciate the newsletter, Diane. Plug something in before the power goes out.
π» THE FLOOD EXPERT
βI know this road.β
You knew it when you could SEE it. The road is currently keeping its location private. Please, turn around.
π£οΈ THE FAMILY GROUP CHAT
One person sharing official updates. One person sending a forecast from 2018. One person asking if the restaurants are open.
And somebodyβs aunt replying βAmenβ to absolutely everything. The kids are definitely silencing notifications here.
ποΈ THE VACATIONER WHO WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK TO THE HURRICANEβS MANAGER
Jessica has received the evacuation notice, the advisories, and the office closure update. She would still like to know why nobody is answering the office phone.
JESSICA. There is a HURRICANE. The local staff helping with your vacation are also trying to keep their families safe, possibly without power. Theyβve messaged you a half dozen times starting Tuesday with no reply. Weβll be back in the office to help as soon as we have power and can safely get there.
Unfortunately, the storm has declined our request for a checkout time. ππ
πΉ THE EARLY PARTY PLANNER
Started the hurricane party before the hurricane. Now typing a nine-paragraph Facebook post that begins, βSome of yβall need to hear this.β
Kevin, the only thing that needs to be on airplane mode right now is your opinion. Drink some water, put the phone down, and leave that masterpiece in drafts. Tomorrow already has enough cleanup scheduled.
A little humor because itβs been a long week. Characters are fictional. The need for patience and prayers is very real. π
Seriously, though: follow official alerts and evacuation orders, stay off flooded roads, and look after each other. We want every one of yβall around to complain about the humidity when this is over. π΄